“I’ve been living with my boyfriend for three years and discovered that he’s been in contact with his ex on a weekly basis. I saw an e-mail where his ex wants to meet up and I’m just not too happy about that. I’m usually not a jealous person, but something about this makes me feel uneasy, especially since this ex has caused trouble for us in the past. We’ve broken up twice because of him.
When I confronted my boyfriend about the e-mail, he got very angry and defensive; we end up in an argument. My boyfriend still continues to talk to him which makes me think something’s definitely going on. I can’t concentrate at work and I’m loosing sleep. What should I do?”
- Eric, New York, Age: 29
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What advice would you give Eric? This is “reader-participation” and the floor is all yours! Leave your comment for Eric.
Haha. Meeting with the ex isn’t always bad – especially if both parties are over the idea of the relationship. Sometimes exes can become great genuine platonic friends, so I wouldn’t stress just yet. It is your boyfriends responsibility to make you feel at ease. Chat to him about it and establish his ex’s real intentions.
Perhaps you should agree to do something together. It may be awkward, but seeing is believing – and it may establish boundaries for future liaisons – especially for the ex. What is important is that the ex respects your relationship. At the end of the day your relationship with your boyfriend is what counts, and his conduct counts – so the ex isn’t the big deal. Talk to him about it – make sure he knows what will make you comfortable with the situation – and monitor it. Your mind will wander… but repeat, “I will not behave like a crazy,” 10 times before you allow yourself to dwell on any of the worst-case scenario thoughts.
.-= Twanji Kalula´s last blog ..Caught In A Rad Bromance =-.
If he is keeping it a secret.. he knows that it is wrong. If you have asked him to stop and he wont… He doesn’t care if you are happy… He doesn’t think you are worth it.. Do you really think he is?
Spell check? No, kidding.
I know my tip will sound radical, but if your heart tells you he’s revisiting “Ground Zero” on his ex’s wonderland of a body, then just leave.
Maybe he is more meant to be with his ex than he is with you? They will eventually, open their relationship intruders, while you’ll be with somebody who cheats on you only with you.
.-= Wilmaryad´s last blog ..Breakup- One-Year Anniversary Lessons =-.
So much for my big mouth. I am the one who needs spell check now. Nando, shoot me please?
Correction:
- They will, eventually, open their relationship to intruders.
.-= Wilmaryad´s last blog ..Breakup- One-Year Anniversary Lessons =-.
In this world, finding a good mate is not easy. Then after you find one, keeping the flame is another battle of its own. That is why we constantly need advice and information on how to keep our relationships happy. Today Wednesday, I was searching on Google for expert advice on relationships and I came across this post ( You’re the Expert: My Boyfriend and the Ex | Nandoism.com – dating tips for singles), It has added to my knowledge and I thank you.
Kick him to the curb.
-the most striking part of this letter is that when you asked him about it, he got angry and defensive. Guilty are we? If the “meeting up” was no biggie then you would have known about it beforehand or he would have expressed it wasn’t a big deal once you asked him about it. Getting angry and defensive? Wow. That’s your red flag right there. But then again, how did you see the emails were you snooping? In any case, if you had a problem with this ex and your boyfriend knows he wouldn’t be secretly meeting up with him. That is a huge red flag. He should respect you and your relationship enough to avoid temptation and poison.
.-= Dash´s last blog ..How to travel solo and have the time of your life =-.
That’s a tough one. Because you know your heart wants to romanticize the whole thing. And your mind is the reality check. Yes, the heart says, you will show him how upset you are and since he loves you more that than anything in the world, he will drop that ex-hussy and run back to you begging for forgiveness (insert record scratch sound FX here).
Ok Now to your brain, Your brain say hmmm ok, he kept the whole thing a secret and I had to find out by sneaking into his email (note: sneaking into his email already is proof that you just don’t trust him to begin with). So, his ex, whom he obviously had a great connection with, and still has a great connection with, has asked to meet. This can only mean trouble since obviously your man doesn’t want to severe that connection.
What to do….You have two choices, accept that this man is still part of his life, and join them for brunch and make friends with the man (I don’t mean giant cat fight, but make a sincere effort). Or…yes, you know it’s coming…move on. You don’t want to be looking over your shoulder wonder, why is he late….who is he talking to…who is texting him all the time. May seem extreme but doll, you deserve someone who is open and honest and wants only you!
It’s the getting defensive that bothers me. It’s like he has something to hide. And even if he doesn’t, it bothers me. People sometimes connect with their exes to achieve closure. Maybe that’s what he is doing. I can understand him feeling like you snooped by going into his email, but you had your reasons and he should have reacted differently.