As the Earth keeps spinning and humans are racing against time to “find themselves,” get rich, or get on a regularly scheduled medication regiment, one thing remains the same–everyone’s looking for love and in all the wrong place–or is that a country music song? Regardless, what happens when we finally get “love”? They loose it…faster than Bristol Palin out on a date with Levi Johnston. I’m titling July the “break-up month” because couples I know, gay and straight are calling it quits. And as they call me with tears in their eyes and snot on their nose (I can only imagine) I saw the pattern coming a long time ago. Snap out of it!
5 Ways to Lose Your Boyfriend
1. You will lose your boyfriend if you’re a bitch at work. If you’re a bitch at work, you’re a bitch at home; my own boyfriend pointed this out a few months ago when we attended a party where he latched onto a woman caught up complaining about her job. She went on and on about how stupid her employees and colleagues were. Then when her husband came over to participate in the conversation–he shot him a dirty look, demanded water, and snapped her fingers at him–then she continued on. I was impressed, but the boyfriend had a point. Check yourself!
2. You will lose your boyfriend if you’re flirting with other guys in front of him. We went to visit a friend last month and got caught up in his tearful trap of “woe-is-me”. I was upset, I was concerned, I ate all his Cheetos–don’t judge! I was appalled at his boyfriend’s insecurity. So what you exchanged an innocent flirt with another guy? Oh, he also saw you going to the bathroom with him and caught you going down on him? Can I get more Cheetos? This leads me to #3.
3. You will lose your boyfriend if you’re practicing mouth-to-penis therapy on someone else. If you need more spark or an sexual make-over, include your boyfriend. Don’t go on your own. That’ not fair and it wasn’t part of the deal, was it? If you need to spice up your sex life–consult the person you sleep with–no, not that ONE, the other one. Do something frisky, do something naughty (but legal), just do something and stop being a ho, yes, I’m talking to you Kenny! (oops, did I just do that?)
4. You will loose your boyfriend if he doesn’t feel valued. This one hits home. I compare my own relationship as Bambi meets King Kong. I get so wrapped up in “Nandoism” that I sometimes forget he’s an equal partner in the relationship and not just a fan who forgot to go home. He listens to me, supports me on an emotional level and compliments me on my hard work. What else could I ask for? Yeah, a lifetime supply of having him get me a glass of water in the middle of the night would be amazing, but I think I’ve struck gold with that little Mexican! Value your men!
5. You will lose your boyfriend if you don’t spend time together. My friend Mary complains that her husband doesn’t make enough money and insists he work 20 hours of over-time each week. Then she complains that he’s ever around. The man can’t win for loosing. Child, if you ain’t spending time with him–someone else will! Take a step back and look at the confusion you’re creating in your life. I know you’re trying to balance the 3 Fs: family, friends, and Facebook, but honey, you won’t have much to report if you’re busy breaking up. Make time for him.
Of course all these must be reciprocated–it’s not just one person who holds the key to a successful relationship–I mean, who are we, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon?
What’s on your “don’t lose my boyfriend” top 3 list? Leave your comment and let’s discuss.
As an (occasional) boyfriend, I’ll give you 3 more!
1. Don’t be a boring, whiny, uninteresting judger who judges with extra judgery everything your BF does.
2. Don’t throw crazy, psycho, throwdown tantrums over nothing. Or key cars. (See my entry 58 for details if you want)
3. Don’t refuse oral sex. Seriously- might seem small or shallow, but it’s important. Also, adding oral sex to driving earns you bonus points that can negate other negative behavior.
Nice writing!
Caleb
.-= Caleb´s last blog ..Entry 60- Let Me Put My Patriotism In You =-.
July was also the month I got dumped, a year ago. Prophetic, aren’t we?
1. Don’t say you wanted to commit suicide last night, especially after talking to him that very night. He’ll think your presence matters little.
2. Don’t be susceptible: if you visit his blog, don’t assume some of his commenting friends hate you, especially when they don’t even know of your existence.
3. Don’t be sarcastically mean: Flirtatious sarcasm can spice up the daily grind of the relationship, but degrading sarcasm isn’t acceptable.
Now, if only I had NOT stayed when I was seeing the guy surrounded by many Chinese flags waving at me! I had spotted all 3 points mentioned above in the guy and still didn’t cut it off right there.
Love is, too often, stupid.
.-= Wilmaryad´s last blog ..G-Spot on a Man Stands for His Gut =-.
Wow, I love your insight to life. You are working my BLOG over!
Love it…I was talking about this with someone last night…you hit many of them but I also want to add, 1) never tell a man what he can and cannot do. Gay or straight men have pride, and telling him what he can and cannot do with make him run quick. 2) Men need space- it is great to spend time together but make sure you give him time to go spend with the guys 3) Don’t fuss – Men don’t like to fuss…leave the drama with yo mama….ok I’m done. :O)
I like these tips–you are SO on the money! I love it!
“I get so wrapped up in “Nandoism” that I sometimes forget he’s an equal partner in the relationship and not just a fan who forgot to go home.” *looking at the floor*
I do that! Crap.
.-= Lena.FM´s last blog ..Six months of the same man – confessions of a spoiled brat =-.
We are bad, right? bad to the bone! But they love us!
One thing I think is important: give sex a chance. In other words, if your partner initiates and you aren’t necessarily in the mood, give it a chance anyway. Not saying every time, but sometimes instead of “I have a headache” just go with it! Can’t tell you how many headaches I’ve had that magically go away…
Basically, if you aren’t onthe mood, give them a chance to get you there!
.-= Alyson´s last blog ..Pardon the Dust =-.
Great post – great tips from you and the other commentators. One thing I will add, from a long term perspective, Don’t take him for granted and assume he’s the same person today as he was a year, two years, five years, 16 years ago. Always listen to him, acknowledge him, make him feel important and give his ideas a chance as he expresses how he wants to redecorate the living room – AGAIN.
Such a really good discussion you all have happening. I like the mix of good and correct information together with a few intellectual thoughts. It really is wonderful to be able to finally come across excellent articles where I think I could believe in the text as well as respect the individuals that publish it. With all the web waste nowadays I always value finding some real voices online. Thank you for posting and continue the good work, please!!