When Dating, Third Time's a Charm

Dating in New York City is like making a tortilla, even with all the right ingredients, you never know if the end result will be that perfect floured-circle that resembles the rest of the batch–but just like a tortilla, is it really the shape that makes it so tasty or is it what we make of it? It’s been three weeks since I met the cinnamon-skinned 25 year-old hottie and consciously walking into each date with the intent of having fun and getting to know him a little better than the last time has been the key element that’s made this dating episode so refreshing. With each meeting, we discover things about one another that strengthens our connection. It wasn’t until our 5th date we discovered we were both Cancers with our birthdays being only three days apart. But I’m getting a little ahead of myself–let me take you back to date #3.

After blurring the dating lines on our second date–since it lasted three days–our third date was more about enhancing “that connection” we’re both carefully building. Since reading, The 5 Love Languages, which clearly outlines that all couples should find the time in their day to tell each other three things that occurred to them during the day. (Be careful–you don’t want it to be a bitch session about work or a complaining presentation either–you’re building intimacy–keep that in mind) It seems that little Santiago looks forward to our “3” talk-time and has gotten in the habit of having his three things prepared and ready to share.

Inside an Italian restaurant on a Tuesday evening:

Santiago: A weird thing that happened with our shipping orders today and so I had to fix it and I saved the day! But also it was really hot so I complained about  the temp and the owner responded with, “Santiago, you’re always complaining about something.”

Nando: Is that true, Mexican?

Santiago: (shifted his cute long-lashed eyes to the side and smirked) Yeah.

We laughed so hard that the waitress came over and wanted “in” on the joke. But it was a “you had to be there” moment. Then Santiago reached for my hand.

Santiago: That was only two, wanna hear my last one?

Nando: Sure (I reached for my water and took a sip)

Santiago: My third things is (pausing) that I thought about you all day today and couldn’t stop looking at your photos on my iPhone.

And just like that–it was official, this guy liked me as much as I liked him. I didn’t know how to respond. So I smiled and gave him a peck on the cheek which he gladly accepted. He then proceeded to take photos of me on his iPhone because he said he wanted new ones to look at tomorrow. Lucky for him, I was looking extra hot that night!

Sometimes when we’re busy–so involved in the manhunt–that when we finally get the prize, we aren’t sure what to do with it. There’s such a build of momentum in the tactics, techniques, the actual catching of a man that when we finally “bag the hottie”–we think, “Now what?”

Sitting there, looking at the prize, I knew one thing was true–I never wanted let Santiago down in any way, shape or form and that’s when it happened–fear and insecurity joined us for dinner. As I looked into his eyes and as he tightly held onto my hand, I knew my sabotaging skills wanted to kick in–but something was different this time, I had two things in my corner–experience and awareness. Deep in the middle of my love-and-relationship center–where the heart meets your undeveloped part of your brain that houses blog posts, articles and friend’s advice on love– was the “unconditional-love button” that had never been used on a guy before. And for once, something was leading me towards the button while screaming, “Push it, push it!” It’s the button that never wants to see a tear fall from their eyes, see disappointment that we’ve brought on or even hear a shift from the happy tone they use when they speaks to us–and we actively try not to make those things happen, the hurtful things.

Santiago: Are you ready to go? I wanna go back to my place because I need several Nando hugs tonight.

Later at his place, with either Mary J.Blige or Sade singing, just for us, we slipped into bed and began to fill our memory banks with some of that beautiful stuff memories are made of. There was passion, there was romance, there was a knock at the door. Santiago sprang out of bed as if I had just said, “Oh, did I mention I have STDs that will make your junk fall off?” It was his landlord–something about something–I was lost in the moment of, “Did he just stop to answer the door?” But he jumped back into bed quicker than Kirstie Alley starts a twitter fight.

Sanitago: Sorry Chiquillin, I’ve been wanting him to do a few things but he’s gone now. Sorry, I forgot he was coming tonight.

Nando: Well, I’m glad someone is.

With nothing but our naked bodies around, in the most romantic of settings–candles flickering, music being sung just for us and heavy Mexican man musk in the air–we burst out in laughter. We looked at one another with quizzical stares after my statement and when the laughter finally broke, he took me in his arms, held me close and whispered, “Can we try again?” And jut like that–we filled our memory banks more of the good stuff. I had read about couples who are able to be “so in the moment” when making love that they enjoyed an intimate laugh or were able to break from the norm to giggle–but I’d never experienced it–until now. That moment, was so special because in the middle of such an intimate moment we created a Nando/Santiago connection that only made us appreciate one another a little bit more. It’s a beautiful thing…the stuff this is made of.

As we went to sleep that night, while in a tight embrace, he somehow managed to get a little closer and then asked if I’d go away with him for the weekend–just the two of us. The next morning as the alarm buzzed and he stumbled out of bed to take a shower, with his little sleepy eyes, he turned to me as he wrapped a towel around the lower half of his cinnamon-hued body and said, “Chiquillin, I can’t wait for this weekend.” And as he closed the door behind him, I hit the alarm snooze button as well as the unconditional-love one.

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