Gay Dating for Dummies
A few months ago a friend of mine paid me a visit; good old promiscuous Jack. During his stay, he participated in a few sexual escapades in Central Park, had anonymous sex in the bathrooms of Washington Square and told me about his little fling in the raunchiest bar in New York City, Rawhide. As he entertained me with stories of his conquests, I couldn’t help but notice a little sadness in his tone. See, all Jack ever really wants is to be in a relationship, but his actions tell a different story and since I’m not one to judge–openly, I just listened and took notes. (What? Some of the things Jack does sexually can only be found in Ninja porn and the Karma Sutra–both involving positions named after animals and hydrogenated food particles.)
A few months after Jack’s visit; he called.
Jack: Okay, you know how I really don’t like giving head at the gym, right?
That’s when I stopped him despite knowing the story would be excellent and one that would probably fuel my own masturbatory fantasies–I just had to get a few points across.
Nando: Jack, stop.
Jack: Why? I haven’t gotten to the good part yet, it involves an empty shampoo bottle, a hair comb and a dirty tube sock.
Nando: Why are you doing this?
Jack: Well the tube sock was his idea.
Nando: I’m talking about having so much promiscuous sex? You can’t possibly be happy–can you? Does it make sense that none of these guys ever call you back? And why should they? C’mon man. Holiday after holiday you’re alone left wondering “What’s wrong with me?” But there’s nothing wrong, except that you aren’t giving yourself a chance with anyone. I think you’re scared to let your guard down but all the sex in the world isn’t going to rope in your Prince Charming.
I only heard silence. But Jack knew I wasn’t judging him, but I was coming from a place of friendship and love. A place that an older gay man (good grief–did I just call myself old?) should come from when he sees a younger gay man hurting himself. And here’s the ultimate “Nandoism,” I’m not a role model, but I strongly feel that as gay men, we should take care of younger generations and teach them a sense of pride and self worth. You have to understand that many of us didn’t have people in our lives that took us under their wing when growing up giving us advice or life strategies–and no matter how advance society is–we still encounter prejudices today.
I can’t help but wonder, “As older gay men, should we be responsible for the younger gays out there or should we just follow the old adage; live and let live?” If we do that–what type of living will they actually be doing? And as for Jack, I think he’s weaning himself off the sex and leaning more towards self-reflection and getting to know what he really wants in a man–and it doesn’t involve a tube sock.
What’s one dating tip you think every gay boy should know?
After reading this I really began to think about the role that “older” generations of gay men should take when speaking to “younger” generations. I have many gay family members, and my uncle always tries to teach me to respect myself and not sleep with everyone I see. At first when he told me his wisdom I just kind of laughed and didn’t really take him seriously. But, then I began to think and I actually realized that what he said actually means something. Many of my gay friends sleep around, which is totally up to them in the way they want to live their life. I just don’t understand how someone could sleep with another person without even knowing their name; or even less. Of course alcohol is usually involved, however I still can’t see myself doing that. Now, don’t get me wrong I will most likely have my share of one night stands, I just do not seeing it becoming a recurring incident. Anyways on with my point. The role that older gay men should take is helping the younger generation in learning how to respect their selves and their dignity. This is because without someone teaching another we will get no where and the same things will be happening over and over again.
I think you have a great head on your shoulders, buddy!
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Keep on the good job! Sex Positions
You got it! thanks for stopping by!
One of the things that daunted me about being gay was how I was going to cope with all the sleeping around since at heart I am very loyal, emotionally-involved guy. I saw the ‘lifestyle’ as inimicable to what I believed. But then a very wise friend of mine told me that you don’t have to go along with the crowd – be gay on your terms was what she told me and it was the best piece of advice I ever got, and definitely advice I’d pass onto any and every young gay guy…. don’t let the crowd sway what you do but be true to yourself and live life on your terms… it may sound like a great hoary cliche but it empowered me to live a life that’s made me very happy. Yes it had its share of one night stands, but ultimately I stuck to my guns and it’s paid off in spades (oops another cliche)….
I’m so glad you found this blog Andrew,
I think readers are going to stay tuned just for your comment.
You are very poised, your writing is elegant and you just sound super hot!
Child, rock on!
I think I’m going to laugh at this idea. What were the gays are doing these days.
We are doing a lot, hu? SO much naughtiness, so little time!
My tip: My partner says “if you want to be thin, eat what a thin person eats” OK – that doesn’t work all the time, but the same advice applies to relationships. Seek out LONG term couples, talk to them, make friendships (not that kind) and see and learn what they do, see what a real relationship is like. (It’s not all about the sex baby)
Thanks to HIV/AIDS an entire generation that could have given advice and passed on knowledge, was decimated. This hurt those coming out after the social/sexual revolutions of the 60s and 70s.
Basically your generation, Nando, was robbed of advice, experience, knowledge of where we came from and those kind of dating life stories that would have helped you grow. People like me, the end of the Baby Boomer generation, were on the edge of that revolution, left floundering, wondering what we are really suppose to do now.
You are so right, we’ve never had that social structure that lends itself to passing on experience and advice like the heteros do. We do need to make ourselves available to the young gays. Thank you for doing that with your blog.