The Price of Happiness

happy and smilingThere should come a time in your life when you question the way you’ve been living and how you’ve been reacting to life. What’s your exact role in things that have and have never been? Instead, we point fingers and play the blame game. “If she would have just called me back, I never would’ve stalked her and ended up in prison because all I have to show for it are dead skin cells I collected off her bathroom floor. If only he would’ve shaved his back hair, maybe…just maybe I would’ve brought him to this pool party but I’m stuck here alone and now I’ll have to get drunk and have sex with someone just to give me a ride back home but not before stopping at the pharmacy for the morning after pill.” And let’s not forget the, “I’m over 30, never been married so I spend my entire existence on Match.com, OK Cupid, and Nerve looking for a guy who will tolerate me but since I can’t find one I’m forced to sleep my way through their profiles anyway!”

When did life become so goal oriented? Am I living in the past for believing that life is about the journey, not the destination? Take chances, take risks, date without wanting to get into a relationship that leads to marriage then adopting a Chinese baby because of uterus problems, then hiring a older Mexican woman named Carmen to iron your clothes because you’re too resentful to touch your partner’s clothing since you wanted to go with a Black child to car pool with the neighbors.

It’s not about winning or losing; instead, be happy. Let your heart dictate your choices for a while–not the sad, lonely, desperate place that keeps feeding you wrong information like: you’re old, you’re pathetic, no really, you look good in spandex, so go ahead–wear them out of the house and flirt with boys 20 years younger than you. Yeah, that part of you lies–trust me, ditch the spandex.

That place is only trying to get you to your end destination by any means necessary and it’s not always nice. If you’re going to date, make sure it’s someone you like. (And don’t waste your time on a non-date date) If you’re going to have sex, make sure you feel the chemistry. If you’re going to stay married, make sure it’s someone you can still have a passionate conversation with. Don’t rush it. Don’t worry about your age, weight, tooth loss (okay, maybe about tooth loss) but just be happy.

And so what if it hurts or you break down? You’re going to experience pain, loss and devastation regardless–what makes you more special than the rest of us? But it’s okay. We’ll all get through it. I promise. We have special moments worth remembering, remember? We’ve experienced the sweet sexy laughter of another person who was completely into us at the time–don’t let that go–don’t obsess over it either–but if it happened once, it’ll happen again. You know what it feels like to have someone hold you tight at night and share pillow talk; don’t look back at it as a waste of time, but see the beauty in those moments like when you gave him mouth-to-penis therapy and he dusted your knees off when you finished. Sure, he never called you back and later he “unfriended” you on facebook–but dam it–it was precious!

We never love in vain, because love is love. And if it didn’t work out, move on. Don’t waste another sunrise–pack up that experience and the lessons learned and get ready because you, my dear, are on the verge of a brand new love experience…and when does it begin? When you give the cue, that’s when.

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19 thoughts on “The Price of Happiness

    • December 11, 2009 at 1:59 pm
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      @Dee – @candidcomments : In the end–no one else will. And it’s okay. Rock on Dee!

      Reply
    • December 11, 2009 at 1:58 pm
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      @ Shannon: hahah, you are too much sister! And girl, thanks for the MTV party hook up!

      Reply
  • December 11, 2009 at 1:49 pm
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    Happiness is definitely the result of how we choose to react to what happens to us rather than strictly what happens to us. So many people are bitter even in good times, and some people manage to seek out happiness no matter what life throws at them.
    .-= Tina T´s last blog ..Rules of Engagement =-.

    Reply
    • December 11, 2009 at 1:57 pm
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      @Tina T: I love when healthy people come and visit my blog–you said it–it’s all about choice.

      Reply
    • December 11, 2009 at 1:57 pm
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      @Cheri : It’s a nice little one right? You have given me some food for thought!

      Reply
  • December 11, 2009 at 1:58 pm
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    Sometimes I feel that people want to get into a relationship, soley for the purpose of having a companion in there life. They do it out of fear of being lonely. Some people also do this because now-a- days it’s very hard to meet the right person, so they think being with someone is better than not being with someone.
    For me it is very important to be with someone that I love as well as care about, which makes the relationship more interesting to be in. Having sex with someone who I love brings about more meaning as to why I am in it in the first place.

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    • December 11, 2009 at 2:00 pm
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      @Christopher M. S. – You got it. Some people can’t face the fact of being alone and that’s a dangerous place to be.

      Reply
  • December 11, 2009 at 2:38 pm
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    Hey buddy, something seems to be wrong with comment love, mine seems to be working!?

    Reply
  • February 4, 2010 at 1:33 pm
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    “all I have to show for it are dead skin cells I collected off her bathroom floor.”

    “adopting a Chinese baby because of uterus problems, then hiring a older Mexican woman named Carmen to iron your clothes”

    “you look good in spandex, so go ahead…trust me, ditch the spandex.”

    Nando, you had me cracking up with these lines! I recently found your blog, thanks to your Twitip post, and I am enjoying the humor and advice as well. To me the destination is just part of the journey. AKA, the long slog.
    .-= Andrew´s last blog ..andrewmsmyth: @nandoism Like A Virgin…touched for the…Awesome #twitip post! Maybe I should get a #twitterafterdark account for my racier tweets. =-.

    Reply
    • February 4, 2010 at 2:19 pm
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      Ah, thanks Andrew! I like when new people drop by and especially when they
      feel comfortable enough to leave comments; woo-whoo!
      Take care buddy! Hope to see you here again.

      Reply
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  • February 18, 2010 at 6:59 pm
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    This is great—thanks for the post! I totally agree about the journey. A lot of people get stuck on what they are NOT looking for when they date (too short, not enough hair, underemployed, etc.), so they can’t really enjoy or get to know the person right in front of them. Each person has something interesting to teach, I’ve found. And finding a partner is not a “destination”, it is still part of your own journey.

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    • February 18, 2010 at 7:04 pm
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      @kelly, thanks for popping over, I love comments from new readers.
      Makes me feel shiny and new–like a Texas Prom Queen. And I love your philosophy:
      … finding a partner is not a “destination”, it is still part of your own journey.

      Reply
  • March 12, 2010 at 9:21 am
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    Nando, my love… you’re fantastic. Before even reading this, I’d been thinking about how life is too short to live it in fear or anticipation (well, anticipation is fun, but not when you let it take over your life) and that if something wonderful presents itself to you, you owe it to yourself to enjoy it as thoroughly and completely (with ever fiber of your being) as you can, regardless if it’s destined to be here forever or not.

    Super relevant post to my life – I love it! (And yes, I’m happily living life “off the market” with the best damn man I’ve ever known!!)
    .-= Lara´s last blog ..Could It Really Be Spring? =-.

    Reply

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