The Choices We Make

We’re told that in life we have choices. And for the most part, how we choose to choose is our choice but whatever the case may be–there is always an outcome because of those choices; sometimes it yields a good result but sometimes the results just suck.

I, for example, chose to have my ex-boyfriend Ali help me in my finances to get back on financial solid ground and in return, he chose me to be his “designated driver” for an experimental alcohol study he signed up for.

A week earlier (on the phone):

Nando: I have to do what?
Ali: Pick me up from the market research place on 5th Ave on both Tuesday and Wednesday next week.
Nando: Why?
Ali: Because I’m doing an alcohol study where I’ll be tasting new alcohol the government is making and they don’t want to be held responsible if I walk out into the street and get hit by a bus because I was too drunk after the study.
Nando: Have your boyfriend sign you out.
Ali: He won’t do it. Plus, then I’d have to tell him about the money they’re paying me, AND, I don’t want him thrown in prison if I do get hit by a bus, who’ll take care of the dog?

Despite my hectic new schedule due to my new producer, Shula, I scheduled my Ali “sign out” time knowing I really tend to stretch myself…but I have a difficult time saying “no” to people. And with Shula booking me of various gigs I really have no time to myself because I’m either always on assignment or at home editing my assignments.

Ali wanted to have lunch on Tuesday but Shula had scheduled a meeting with me so I had to say no, but he insisted on meeting with me on Wednesday and refused to take no, despite the fact that I had a dentist appointment that afternoon.

While on the Q train–crossing the Manhattan bridge–I received a text from Ali.

Ali: OMG. You can’t be late. This place is filled with thugs and ghetto people who look like their in line for food stamps or their welfare check. You’ll fit right in.

The train was running late and as I finally reached 5th Ave, I walked out of the elevator at the Market Research firm and saw Ali sitting down all alone in a waiting room with his head pressed against a wall.

Ali: You’re late. I feel like the kid who’s mom forgot all about them after school. Everyone’s gone except me.
Nando: Oh shut up and let’s go.

Ali was drunk but was very excited to show me his purchases that he’d made from the money he earned in the alcohol study.

Ali: Look!

He began to pull items out of a bag in the middle of 5th Ave.

Nando: Oh, a checkered scarf.
Ali: Not just any checkered scarf, a hot checked scarf.
Nando:…that everyone and their GAY brother is wearing.

His excitement level dropped.

Ali: And that’s why you’re single.
Nando: What? Every time we meet you come up with a reason why I’m still single.
Ali: Well this time it’s because you’re evil. Just tell me I look good in the scarf.
Nando: You look good in the scarf.

His excitement level picked back up again and his eyes lit up.

Ali: See, was that so hard? And by the way…what’s up with that mutant zit on your cheek?
Nando: Oh, and I’m the evil one?
Ali: And single….don’t forget single.
Nando: It’s a stress zit I got last week from worrying about my Jessica Simpson interview. Did you see the video yet?
Ali: Not yet. Listen, I don’t mean to sound insensitive but that thing is really nasty, would you mind walking to my left so I don’t have to see it while we walk?

Ali wanted to meet up so I could give my approval on a pair of Prada sunglasses he was considering purchasing so we walked to the Time Warner Center on 59th Street.

Nando: Why are you getting new sunglasses. Don’t you still have the Dolce Gabbana ones that your ex got you?
Ali: Which ex?
Nando: Mike.
Ali: He never got me any Dolce Gabanna sunglasses.
Nando: Uh, yeah. You called me and bragged about them and sent me photos.
Ali: Oh, I totally lied about those. They were knock-offs from Canal Street.
Nando: Why did you lie?
Ali: That was the old me. I don’t lie anymore.
Nando: You’re lying right now.

After we went to see the sunglasses which seemed ridiculously priced at $230.00, we went searching for a place to have lunch.

Ali: So where do you want to have lunch?
Nando: It doesn’t matter, but I need to eat healthy…I have a dentist appointment at 5pm.
Ali: Oh, you have plenty of time, it’s only 2pm. Oh, I know the perfect place for cheeseburgers.
Nando: What part of “eating healthy” can’t you understand?
Ali: That’s another reason you’re single.
Nando: Oh shut up.

After finding a place to sit and enjoy lunch outside on 44th and 8th Ave Ali began to tell me about his beautiful two-year relationship.

Ali:…So as I was sucking his nipples and had my finger up his…
Nando: UGH! Stop.
Ali: What?
Nando: I’m eating.
Ali: Well, if I can’t talk to you about these things, who can I?
Nando: I’m sure we’ve violating some EX rule about sex talk.
Ali:Well then who are you having sex with?
Nando:No one.
Ali: You’re totally boring. Can I finish my story now?

Just as Ali was about to re-enter the erogenous zone, my phone rang. It was the dentist’s office, my appointment wasn’t schedule for 5pm, it was scheduled for 3pm and it was already 3:15pm. I had chosen to avoid the dentist since 2005 and I knew I’d have to face the music sooner or later because of that choice–and I was scared. Did I subconsciously sabotage my dental appointment? Were my bad choices finally catching up to me? I left Ali in the middle of lunch and ran through the city to 40th and Madison.

Nando: Sorry, I have to leave.
Ali: But what about his nipples?
Nando: Text me.
Ali: OK.

As I got closer to the dentist my body began to react. I was worried. I felt anxious. What if he said my teeth were on the verge of falling out? What if he said he’d have to pull them out? Should I jut cancel? I looked at my phone and saw the time. It was already 3:30 pm. I noticed I had one missed call and one text message.

The call was from the dentist. The text was from Ali detailing “nipples and groaning.” I made it to my dentist and had my check up. As it turns out, my teeth were strong and healthy. They weren’t falling out or needed to be pulled out. I did require some additional cleaning which they couldn’t perform during this time because I was so late and it threw them off schedule.

So I chose to make an appointment for next week which I’ll be on time for and choose not to schedule anything else on that day…except maybe to read sexually explicit text messages from the Ex.

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