How To Tell If Your Man Is Gay

HOWTOTELLGAY

For the past six months, I’ve been getting e-mails from women asking me to write a blog helping them answer one of life’s most puzzling questions, “How to tell if my guy is gay?

How to tell if your man is gay is a struggle that certain women face on a daily basis. So I put it out there in order to get different perspectives on the subject and my good friend, Roy Perez–a straight hottie; damn it!–who’s the creative mastermind behind Entourage, New York’s best nightlife website giving you the “inside scoop” on all the hottest parties and the trendiest restaurants to eat, said he’d take a stab at it. So from the straight man’s perspective, ladies, here are the top 15 signs that tell you if the guy you’re dating is gay.
——————————–
When Nando asked me to write out this article, I laughed my ass off
and thought “Why not, this should be fun”. So, I pulled out my blackberry and began typing as I ran errands all over the upper west side:

Let’s start off with the more and more common NYC metrosexual:

me·tro·sex·ual [ mèttrō sékshoo əl ] (plural: me·tro·sex·uals)
noun | Definition: young straight stylish urban man: a young, straight (questionable),sensitive urban man who is unashamed to enjoy good clothes, stylish living, the art of decorating, and improving his personal appearance(informal).

Now I’m not saying that these guys are totally gay or for that matter
even gay at all. Lord knows I enjoy good clothes and shoes, stylish
living, and even decorating when it involves my home but these guys
should be the easiest to read and here is how:

TOP 15 SIGNS THAT YOUR MAN IS GAY:

1. If he pees sitting down there is a 85% chance that he’s gay.

2. When blowing your man’s “candle” and fondling his balls with your
tongue, your man requests or shoves your head down to lick his
ass–ummm, ladies that may be a good sign that he’s possibly gay. Now while most straight men do enjoy a good licking, you really have to watch out for the ones that show off their yoga skills and throw their legs behind their head the second you pass the testicular area and head further down south.

3. If he drinks martinis he’s gay.

4. If the martini is an exotic fruit he’s SUPER gay.

5. If his favorite cartoon growing up was Rainbow Brite, the Care
Bears or She-Ra, he’s gay.

6. When a guy likes to get a manicure and pedicure more than once a month or even a week for that matter, that’s a clear sign that your dude might be gay. It can’t get any clearer than the coating on his fingernails ladies.

7. If a guy carries a man-purse for ANY reason other than holding it
for his gay brother, he’s gay.

8. If he has feminine mannerisms and a crazy lisp he’s gay.

9. If his favorite color is pink or purple or both he’s gay.

10. If his favorite movie is the 300 he could be gay.

11. If he drives a Volkswagen beetle by choice he’s gay.

12. When a guy gets his eyebrows waxed, or plucked, or threaded more times than you, definitely LOOK out–”wink, wink”.

13. If a guy spends more than an hour on his hair, look out to see what hair products he’s using–if they’re not extremely masculine products such as Old Spice hair gel then Houston, you have a problem!

14. If he enjoys watching Sex in the City, Desperate Housewives, or Greys Anatomy he’s gay!!!

15. If he wears thongs and isn’t a professional stripper, he’s gay.

Follow Roy Perez on Twitter here

And don’t forget to check out my eBook, Dating Stuff: The Things About Dating You Ought To Know available for download, now!

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36 Comments

  • Honey, I just love you… You’re absolutely right!!
    Tym

  • WTF? This is HILARIOUS and I couldn’t stop laughing. Nando, you really provide awesome content on your blog. Ladies, if Roy’s blog doesn’t help you, there’s always Oprah!
    .-= Justin´s last blog ..MiaD: Wishing everyone a great 2010!! =-.

  • OMG! I still can’t stop laughing. This is some good shit. Roy, I will check out your site…cause you are the man, and straight? Woof!

  • ROTFL !!!! so funny…..I see alot of dudes w/ twizzed or over plucked eyebrows… guidos & some latin men…they go too far..

  • LOL Classic!!!
    .-= Julie´s last blog ..Ho ho whatever =-.

  • To funny, wish this was around before I married my ex-husband. Oh well blogs and home Internet wasn’t around yet

  • I can’t stop laughing…hey how do you come up with such valid points :D Anywayz, it was really fun reading all these points but my favorite one was:

    “12. When a guy gets his eyebrows waxed, or plucked, or threaded more times than you, definitely LOOK out wink wink.”
    .-= Emily J.´s last blog ..Some Random Thoughts about Christmas =-.

  • You always know how to make a girl laugh! This article was great. props to you and your friend, Roy!

  • Great blog! can’t stop laughing. Your awesome!

  • Editing = “like cutting foreskin on a penis”… classic! :)
    .

  • This was a very entertaining read…I was cracking up! Good job Roy!! Hilarious!

  • OMG this was funny!!! I love it!!!

  • If he cheats on you with a man, he might be gay…..just a thought

    Hilarious read!

  • i have had three guys go gay after me…. if they like to shop more than you… he’s gay
    .-= Jody Green´s last blog ..Fresh Snow =-.

  • as usual, a great post! like KB says, you boldly go where few gay bloggers would dare go!

    but i have one big question for you, Nando, as the actual gay guy. you see, i attend a church with a lot of middle age gay men (their church closed and was merged into ours), and from what i know of these gay guys, most of the 15 above don’t apply (at least from my casual observations and conversations at church and church events). so, nando, are these 15 items that Roy listed just steriotypes, or do gay guys really do all that and it’s just not evident to casual acquaintences?

  • i should clarify that my comment really applies only to #7, 8, 9, 11, 12, 14 and, #13 to the extent it is obvious in his hair style……..The other ones would take a more intimate relationship then casual observation.
    .-= Rachy´s last blog ..Some Random Thoughts about Christmas =-.

  • 3. If he drinks martinis he’s gay.

    4. If the martini is an exotic fruit he’s SUPER gay.

    Oh, brilliant! That made me laugh like, really loudly. For sure I’ve been on dates with men who order fruity martinis. No wonder I’m not getting any action!

    Good work Roy. And Nando! For going, as always, where gay boys fear to tread.

  • Nando, I must commend you on the article and it was hilarious as usual. I have always tried to find the right mix of ingredients that characterizes a man as gay but lately I have just given up as I have been accused on several occasions of wanting to label every man as that.

    It is also increasingly difficult to really tell nowadays, and I have come to the conclusion that a man who exhibits gay tendencies should be left alone and not cohersed into thinking that he is. As many of us know in the community, we choose to walk out of the darkness and the comfort of our closets only when the time is right. I also believe if he continues to give his woman good loving why rock the boat with worries of his sexuality.
    At the end of the day, even though I feel tempted to pursue men who harness these tendencies, it always ends in trepidation, as I feel it would be too much grief and work to try to conquer the task at hand. I guess am just tired of trying to comprehend the nature of a man who chooses to play both sides of the coin.

  • As a follow up to my previous comment, I recently had a friend call saying that he wanted to do some research and as a straight man (as he knows he is,) he wanted to go check out some gay bars to figure out if he would be a fit as a bartender in one.
    I have obviously volunteered but I keep thinking, why does a man try to circumvent the obvious with these low-down excuses?

    My resolve is that we live in the 21st century and nowadays, the boundaries that have defined sexuality in the past have been blurred especially by the younger generation. Gone are the days when the gay scene was just for the gays and lesbians, today, I am not even sure which joints are or for that matter, if there are still any traditionally “gay” bars or clubs.

    My one advice to women is that if you suspect your man is gay just enjoy the diversity because I know it could only be a hot experience.

  • One easy tell tell sign given to me by my gay friend would be the shoe test. Point to the shoe of the guy who is in questioned and state ” You have something on your shoe.” Now pay attention. If he lifts his leg up in front of him and somewhat rest it on his other leg to check then he is straight. However, if he tosses his leg up behind his back and arches to look back then he my friends is secretly gay. Haha! I’ve tried this before and I have to say that it worked well so test it out.

  • I can not stop laughing! This is absolutely hilarious!

  • Funny shit. (#14 is so damn true) I have a gay roommate (known him for 4yrs prior). He tries to hide it and doesn’t know that I know. He has all the body language that a gay dude would have AND he has gay porn! He doesn’t like sports. He’s super sensitive which makes him overly emotional. He treats a lot of his guy friends like boyfriends. There’s no doubt that this dude is gay and I can’t stand it. A gay and str8 person don’t match up. We have nothing in common lol.

  • How can drinking Martinis be gay ? was frank sinatra gay ?

  • i am printing this out and sticking it on the fridge!
    my x use to go for manicures/waxing.
    i keep on telling him that he’s gay. he finds offense in that. *hand flick*
    .-= Afsana Khan´s last blog ..Ho ho whatever =-.

  • I looove it! hilarious :)

  • My husband is not gay. He might be Cro-Magnon Man, though.
    .-= Natalie´s last blog ..who is doing what and what’s going on where =-.

  • This is hilarious. If his favorite movie is “300″? lol
    .-= Lena´s last blog ..Domestic abuse (my real story) =-.

  • LMAO !
    You forgot One
    #16 – If his fashion sense is better than yours and he tells you “oh your so last year fashion” then he’s gay ! hahahahah

    Yes, honey, I love my gay male friends, they always keep me in check with the latest fashions !

  • Hilarious guest post by Roy! Cute choice of graphic Nando ;) 1, 4, 7, and 10 are my faves.
    .-= ifelicious´s last blog ..2010 MTV VMAs- Nominees and Ifelicious picks =-.

  • I wear eyeliner, pluck my brows,and go to the gym. I also dress nice. Jeans with a blazer and tshirt or colored collared. I grew up listening to rock, and goth. I’m straight I go strip bars the girls come up to me and always ask if I did my own make up. We talk and they give me there numbers. gays dont bother me I dont hate or love them.

    • Rock ON my brutha!Just from your comment you seem to have an awesome vibe.
      That’s gonna get you far. And eyeliner? You’re now DOUBLE cool in MY book!

  • This is hilarious. Thanks for making my night/morning. Sign #1 should have told me right away that I should run far far away from Mr Etiquette sooner than I did. :)

  • I am writing this because my 7 year old son’s best friend’s parents have been separated for a year. The mom and I have become good friends and she was hoping for a reconciliation. In the meantime my husband invited 2 of my son’s friends on a camping tripmwith their dads and they all had a great time and appeared to be extremely compatible. Tonight he went on an all boys play date with this one dad who cooked dinner for him. Upon returning, my husband was quiet. He said, “I don’t know. There is something peculiar about that guy. All he said about he and his wife was that things were complicated and that he did not want to talk about it. Anyhow my husband felt the dad was metrosexual and was a little touchy. He is not sure he feels comfortable hanging out with him. Any suggestion as to how to handle this situation?

  • What if my man has a couple of those behaviors. But not all. Mine likes to video himself. Sometimes he makes me feel that he don’t need me at all

    • You can’t really base everything on one post–but if your gut is telling you something–trust it and further your investigation.

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