One of the best reasons to live in New York City are the men. At any given time you can run into a Greek, Italian, or Latin man and have your choice of dating one or all. And what’s even better is they can introduce you to a world you’ve never known–whether it’s because of their culture, job, or just their interests. But when it comes down to it–no matter who you decide to date, how do you fit them in? And better yet–how do they schedule you in?
I met “the writer” several weeks ago and because of our busy schedules, we couldn’t see eachother that often–he was either hosting an event, doing a book launch or working on his book and I was either meeting my writing deadlines, working on my video series and also working on my book. So the times we met up were so rare that it kept all mystery alive and made things special. “The writer” was very affectionate, attentive and most of all–all mine, during these once a week rare occasions.
Fast forward to six weeks into our “dating ritual” when I got an invite from him to an exclusive party he was throwing with some of the publishing industry’s top dogs. I showed up at the party and “the writer” immediately introduced me to several people he thought could help take my writing career to the next level. He made me feel so special like a rare Mexican diamond in a pile of rusty gems. Towards the end of the night he introduced me to a guy that had written one of my all time favorite books. After speaking to him I discovered he was more interesting in person and he agreed to an interview for my blog.
Later that night, “the writer” called me and asked what I thought about the event. When I told him about my interview with his friend; he was happy.
Nando: Thank you so much for inviting me. And I can’t believe your friend agreed to do an interview with me.
The Writer: Well, he’s a good guy. You know, we used to date.
As soon as I heard that, my mind began to wander off into a deep realm that only rats and sinking members of the Titanic must have traveled. One reason is because “the writer” and I never spoke of the X-files before and the second reason was that this guy was a bit on the “large” size and I freaked out. “He only likes to date “big” guys,” I thought. In the gay world, there’s a term for that–The Chubby Chaser. I was horrified! I was disgusted. I ran to the mirror and reviewed myself for the rest of the conversation.
Nando: Oh, really? Well, what happened? (Turning my body to a profile view)
The Writer: It just didn’t work out.
Nando: Why not? (Turning my body to see my ass)
The Writer: I just wasn’t attracted to him.
Nando: How long did you two date? (Pinching my double chin)
The Writer: Two months.
Nando: Wait, how does it take you two months to figure out you weren’t attracted to him? Were you wearing a blindfold the entire time? (Turning back to see my ass)
The Writer: Papi, I don’t judge people by how they look, I got to know him for “him” and that’s how I approach dating. And besides, we only dated once a week during those two months. And like I said, I wasn’t attracted to him like I am to you, Papi.
And that’s when I realized “the writer” was a once-a-week-two-monther. And my two month review was approaching fast. It’s one thing to take things slow and get to know a person, but I had a nagging feeling that there was something “the writer” wasn’t telling me.
Earlier this week, which would mark our two months, I called up the writer to discuss a “failure in communication” and why a sudden distance was wedged between us. Last week I invited him to a social media brunch I was hosting and he had previous plans and couldn’t make it.
The Writer: Nando, I do my part. But I can’t always hang out with you. I txt and call you but when you choose to not call me back and I don’t have access to you, what else can I do?
Nando: It’s funny that you say you don’t have time for me yet you take off with your friend to Washington D.C. at the spur of the moment and hang out with them throughout the week. So don’t tell me you don’t have time.
The Writer: Those events were scheduled in advance–you of all people should know how hectic my schedule is. That’s why I hired an assistant.
Nando: And that’s another thing, why is your assistant calling me asking about my birthday? Why aren’t you the one calling me? I’m not dating her, I’m dating you.
The Writer: Nando, why are we fighting? This all started last week when I said I couldn’t come to your brunch. And then you sent me a weird text message later that night that said something about me being a “once-a-week-two-monther”? What is that?
I had forgotten about my evil text to “the writer”. I sent it out in complete haste after 3 vodka tonics and 4 shots of something that tasted like chocolate cake. I didn’t want to argue with “the writer” but I also know that deep down, if he really liked me, he’d make more time for me despite busy schedules. Haven’t we all been in relationships that made us question things like: Do I really like him? Should we be living together? How much longer can I stand his disgusting toenails which he refuses to clip? And all these relationships have one thing in common; they’re short-lived.
“The writer” later explained that he was taking things slow because he had two previous relationships that had not only failed but really hurt him and he was not going through that again. He decided that the next person he’d be involved with would be different. That’s when it hit me. “The writer” was playing it safe and letting fear control his dating routine. He really wasn’t a once-a-week-two-monther, but a guy who had been hurt and was now scared.
Eventually he disclosed that he didn’t really know how he felt about me and that he was “keeping his options” open. How could I be with someone knowing they weren’t sure how they felt about me? And I realized that this time around, I wasn’t the one asking the questions, because I already knew I liked him–it was “the writer” who was living in doubt.
As I made the hard decision to call it quits with “the writer,” I know we will remain good friends. And I feel that when he meets the right guy, he will know and he will want to spend quality time with him no matter what his schedule brings. And as for me, I believe one day I will meet a guy who will not only be sure of how he feels about me and be willing to put his heart at risk despite his past failures, but who will schedule me in more than once a week and for longer than two months. And that’s a day I will definately mark in my calendar.