Picking Apart Miss Picky: Abiola Abrams Exposed

They say girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, but if an ingredient list did exist with every woman, Abiola Abrams‘ list would have to include: dynamic, curvaceous, inspirational, funky, loving, and last but not least, bootylicious! I had the pleasure of speaking to Abiola last week and had one of the best conversations covering everything from men, dating to even a little Tough Love.

Excerpt from Paper Magazine when Abiola was named as one of the 50 most beautiful people…

“And whether she’s chatting away on television as the host of BET’s The Best Shorts, directing award-winning short films like Knives in My Throat, or conquering the virtual world with her daily online show Planet Abiola and her blog The Goddess Factory, Abrams is spreading her gospel of “empowering people culturally, emotionally, sexually and politically,” across every possible media platform.”

Nando: Abiola, what made you go on VH1’s TOUGH LOVE?

Abiola: Because I’m out in the public eye, hosting shows for BET and I’m well-known in the African American community and have always been up front about my relationship issues, even my novel DARE is about mistakes in love and dating–the show approached me and asked if I’d like to be on. They felt that a lot of women would be able to relate to me and how could I resist? The show’s Executive Producer was Drew Barrymore, and you can’t get better than that. And besides, Steven and his mom were fantastic to work with as well as all the production staff at High Noon Entertainment. And you know Nando, I thought it would be a great experience to work out a few dating issues and as we say in the community, ‘My business was already in the street!’ so I thought, why not.

Nando: Who was Abiola before and after the show?

Abiola: Wow, what a question Nando! Let me start off with this, any experience I go through, I want to learn and grow from so I went on the show with an open mind. But prior to the show I saw dating as a “mandatory thing” we have to go through and as a tedious chore. You know, being a woman in New York City, there’s a misconception that we can’t find men and that’s not true. And almost all of the women on TOUGH LOVE were dating but we had detrimental dating habits.

But now, after the show, I see dating as fun and I’m not in a hurry to be in a relationship and I actually committed myself to being single for one year to just enjoy being single and to meet great people. I want to enjoy myself and not have a deadline or rush into a relationship. I was proposed to twice last year and there’s a huge pressure to be in a committed relationship for women and I don’t think men have that pressure and I’m here to let the women know that it’s okay–they can play the field.

Nando: When I saw you on the show, I wanted to learn more about you so I did my research and I found your blog. My favorite story was about a certian blue dress at a photo shoot, will you explain that a little more?

Abiola: Last year I was in Paper Magazine’s 50 most beautiful people issue and I went to a fitting for the photo shoot. When I got there, there were all these tiny little dresses, like size 0 waiting for me and I looked in the mirror and saw a curvaceous, bootylicious, boobalicious, person that wasn’t fitting into anything. They even had a book Nando, as to how it was supposed to look like with a tiny model wearing the dress and I was like ‘OH BOY!’ I was uncomfortable and I just knew the designer was going to hate it and hate me so I started to create, in my head, what was going to happen. But then I thought, the dress is going to fit ME as it should fit ME. I put that dress on and I said to myself, you are going to love it and you are going to own it and guess what? I went to the photo shoot and had so much fun. It was such a fantastic experience and I wasn’t focused on anyone’s opinion of me.

I know I’m not everybody’s idea of beauty and it’s okay, you know I was on google and I found a link to a website that said Abiola is so ugly but I didn’t feel the need to click on it and I honestly feel good about my quirky, hippy, chocolate-self and if they don’t like it–that’s their problem! I will continue to make mistakes, I am not perfect, I am not better than you, I am you–but with a microphone–I’m as imperfect as they come.

Nando: Steven’s Dating Rule #100 is that everyone gets rejected and we saw you experience it with one of your dates on the show. What tips can you give the rest of us daters when facing rejection?

Abiola: Well I think being rejected is hard for everyone whether you’re gay, straight, male or female, but I must admit you guys (gay or straight) have “cajones” because you feel comfortable with rejection and you deal with it so graciously–you wear your hearts on your sleeve in a different way. What I learned from the experience Nando is that I’m a natural people-pleaser and it’s something I have to fight against. No matter what you do, some people are not going to like you–but if you’re comfortable in your own skin–crisis averted!

I got rejected and I was hurt but I’m still standing–I didn’t drop dead! I want to point out one thing about the show–when the men rejected us, it was because “he just wasn’t that into you” but when we rejected the men, we were deemed “too picky”. But I feel a woman should be picky…we deserve to be selective. We plan out our vacations more than our intimate lives–sure, everyone wants someone who is kind, caring, dedicated–everyone has a list. Men have a list, and it’s okay, I think it gives us something to go after because we deserve the best.

Nando: What’s the most valuable piece of dating advice that you walked away with from Steve and JoAnn?

Abiola: One piece that they kept reiterating and not just to me, but to everyone was that we all deserve to be happy. We all deserve quality men and it’s not about settling. It’s funny because my nickname on the show was Miss Picky–and the ultimate lesson I learned was to be selective.

I realized that time was ticking away and I knew Abiola had a busy schedule, but I couldn’t stop chatting with her. Her laughter was so infectious that I found myself laughing just to see if I could make her laugh. But alas, she’s too smart–it didn’t work, although I’m sure she thinks I’m a laughing freak who needs a shrink and not a blog. I did manage to ask her one last question before we hung up.

Nando: What do you want the world to know about the sexy, smart Abiola?

Abiola: I get ‘Wow, you’re a writer, T.V. personality, art filmmaker’ and I say No, I’m the same as you except I do it in a different format and various forms of media. I guess my biggest lesson to people, I don’t want them to look at me as how self-empowered I am…I want them to look at themselves and see how to self-empower themselves. Don’t invest in me–invest in yourself! That’s what I want what my work to represent. I am perfect in all my imperfections.

And with that as her final answer, just like on a game show, it was all over. But as I made some final notes on the interview, it was her take on imperfections that really made an impression–especially her blog about the blue dress. And if someone like Abiola, a chocolate-dream goddess, sees her imperfections but deals with them in a positive manner, then maybe, just maybe, I too can be perfect in all my imperfections. And just like that…it was a perfect ending.

For more on Abiola visit her website www.abiolaabrams.com.
To see Abiola in action as a T.V. Host, watch Plant Abiola
To see Abiloa in that hot and blue sexy dress and read her blog on the entire experience, click here.

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