Having a relationship while living in New York can be quite difficult. Not only must we deal with the hustle and bustle of the city, but we also have to deal with…well, the other person, and not to mention the biggest obstacle that remains between us and “happily ever after”…our own baggage. To make things a success, many would agree that the 5 keys to a successful relationship are communication, honesty, trust, respect and dependability. But what about that “X” factor that keeps us involved even when things aren’t working out? Am I talking about passion? No, I’m talking about our love-blinders.
My good friend, sexy Stephanie, recently ended a loveless nine-year relationship and is now dating again. It seems that her new beau isn’t as available as she’d like him to be. After two months of being “wooed” and the two of them finally becoming sexually intimate–he’s no longer available as his job has become “extremely demanding”. According to her, he’s not emotionally affectionate and he’s hard to reach. It sounded to me that she got involved with a complete duplicate of her ex. When I mentioned this, she went silent for a long time and then admitted that she had never thought of it that way. Is the best thing for her to continue to chase Mr. Right, because she claims her biological clock is ticking at age 31, or should she learn who “single-sexy Stephanie” really is to avoid falling for the same man wrapped in a different package? One thing remained true, she had her love-blinders on and didn’t even notice.
Another friend of mine, Tim, is married (to a woman) and has two children but also sees men on the side. For the last two years he’s been involved with another man (who is separated from his wife) and figured they could relate to one another because of the “married” situation they were both in. But as it turns out, Tim’s male companion–is a new explorer in the gay world–and is still planting his “flag” on newly discovered territory. These sexual conquests have driven Tim to the point of demanding monogamy from his companion but the requests have yet to take effect. Should Tim lighten up and dust off his love-blinders as he himself can’t commit or should his demands be met?
I myself wear my Prada love-blinders. Do I meet great guys and then screw things up because I can’t see past the past? Probably. I fall for men who are the artistic, creative, manic, depressed, suicidal, crazed type. Ah, the memories. But when will enough be enough? Will I learn to love myself to the point of rejecting these guys before they make it to my bed and leaving their chaotic imprint on my heart…or will I just keep spraying Windex on my love-blinders until I finally get it right?
When we agree to go on that first date–we think we’re meeting a person with a clean slate. And although some baggage can help us not repeat some of the same mistakes, how many of us have traded-in a carry-on luggage for a suitcase that could keep the Octomom’s family clothed for year? In a time when we’re screaming for personal change, have we forgotten to take off our own rose-colored love-blinders and see our baggage for what it really is?
Great blog, thank you for the story.
.-= Aplus´s last blog ..Online Dating – 11 Reasons to Go Online for Love =-.
I was in an intense relationship 4 years ago that ended; I cut back on dating for a while after that. I didn’t want the next guy to feel that I had any baggage with me or using him as a rebound.
I must have asked myself 100 questions as to why / how / what if and realized that whilst the I had my own issues – the guy in question did as well. And his issues had nothing to do with me. My issues weren’t the cause of the break-up – his were.
As much as we like to think we are perfect; we aren’t – and I’ve accepted whatever my flaws might be and try to work on them. If I feel like I need to yell / scream / shout to get my point across – now I take a deep breath, count to 10 and try to calmly rationalize the situation.
We all have to deal with our baggage – its our choice to carry a little back-pack or the entire suitcase ..