How Many Inches Is Your Happiness?

Last year I read an article in Details magazine stating certain men allow their penis size to “dictate” their happiness (no pun intended). The story was about a guy they called “Josh” who had just lost a lot of cash in the market, his long-time girlfriend walked out on him and took everything she could carry–but it didn’t bother him; he was happy as a Mississippi blue-jay on top of a mighty oak watching the sun rise. Yeah, sickening, right? Was this guy high on crack? No, but he was high on the nine inches that the gods had blessed him with.

According to Josh, he never let anything get him down–and for him, that was a mouthful! (pun intended) But can you really wear the Superman armor just by the size of your penis? I have dated many guys and their sizes have ranged from, “Oh my God, Really?” to “Oh, My God, Really?!” But no matter what the size he was carrying, he still had his ups and downs. And personally, I’ve experienced many days of depression and felt miserable, but my own size never came to mind. Oy, maybe it is true. Damn those researchers!

Another guy, C.G., mentioned in the article said, “Nothing really bothers me because everything kind of comes back to that. No matter what happens, I got a major fucking plus in my pants—know what I mean? It’s the one constant factor.” C.G., from New York, got drunk one night and took his 8+ inches and banged on a window outside a house party to get the party started. Where was my invite?

When fashion guru Tom Ford was asked, “…What if we lived in a world where penises were breasts?” he responded with, “Imagine … if our suits were entirely designed to show off our penises. Imagine if contemporary fashion demanded that you left your cock hanging outside your trousers, with perhaps just the head trussed up in a tiny pouch like a dick bra. Everyone would see our cocks all the time, in the same way that fashion features women’s breasts.”

I’m sure that’s not what John Lennon sang about in his song, “Imagine.” But how would exposing our penises change America? Would CEOs no longer buy $14,000 trash bins and opt for an expensive penis pump instead? Would Governors now sell Senate seats in exchange for penile enlargement surgeries? And would there be a special clause in the stimulus package called, the “stimulus package”?

Does the measure of a man come from the measurement in his pants? Does size matter?And if it does–who’s getting the short-end of the stick?

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2 thoughts on “How Many Inches Is Your Happiness?

  • March 11, 2010 at 12:04 am

    im not sure its all that important in the grand scheme of life at all…

  • April 10, 2017 at 1:32 am

    Using sex toys can definitely enliven even the most prosaic sex life. Whether you’re in the hots for an S&M action or for steamy role play games, bringing sex toys into your boudoir will help realize you and your partner’s raciest sexual fantasies.


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